I thought it would be appropriate that my first post be about how I came up with the title to my blog.

To start, let me give you some background.  I will not go into a ton of detail since I will later on throughout my posts. However, background detail is definitely necessary to the story behind the title of my blog.

From 2002 - 2006, I was in a verbally and emotionally abusive marriage. Sometimes, we make decisions that aren't the best for us and this was one of those times. During those five years, I endured being called stupid, being told I was worthless, being screamed at, shut out, and lied to. I was separated from my family and was not allowed to have friends. All of this caused me to lose my faith. I walked away from God, but God did not walk away from me. He rescued me from that marriage in 2006.

From 2006 - 2015, I had my ups and downs like most people do. There were good years and not-so-good years during this time. I met and married my husband who is my best friend. I started and completed my Master's in Health Administration Degree. We lost my husband's stepfather, my grandfather, and my grandmother. In 2015, my husband's back decided it didn't want to work anymore. Some of the discs in his lower back decided they wanted to pop out and see the world. Watching him go through the pain was awful. He had to go out on short-term disability and finances became an issue. The stress over losing so many people and now the financial crisis, I was overwhelmed, and once again, my faith faltered. Once again, God was there. 

It was around that same time that I got some devastating news. My mom was diagnosed with idiopathic pulmonary fibrosis or IPF for short. Unfortunately, the only cure is a double lung transplant. It was so hard watching my mom cough all the time and struggle to breathe.  It was hard to watch her begin to lose weight and become dependent on oxygen. When she was first diagnosed her doctor mentioned getting her started on the process to get a lung transplant. Unfortunately, she declined at the time. When she did finally agree to try and get a lung transplant she was too late. On January 20, 2021, I lost my mom. Again, my faith wavered, again my God did not.

Then not long after my mom passed, my husband began to get very sick. I watched my strong and healthy husband become so skinny and then need a wheelchair because of the pain he was in. I was so scared that I was going to lose him too. Finances once again became an issue and once again I was stressed and overwhelmed. I began wondering what I had done to deserve all of this heartache. I questioned God and yelled at God and God? Well, He held me tighter and didn't let go. He healed my husband and things got better.

Then in July of 2023, my world came to a grinding stop. My sister, at the age of 47, was diagnosed with stage IV pancreatic cancer. I remember the phone call and thinking this can't possibly be right. Over the next 8 months, I watched my sister fight for her life. I watched as she endured hospital stays and chemotherapy. I watched her waste away in front of my eyes. One week before my birthday, I got the call that she was being discharged from her last hospital stay and was being sent home on hospice. I was scheduled to go to her house to celebrate my birthday the very next week. It was a tradition for me to go to her house every year at my birthday. The day after my birthday, my husband and I traveled to PA. When we got there, I was told she didn't have long and that she was waiting for me. I was able to tell her I loved her and that she was my favorite. I sat beside her, hugged her, and prayed. Then just after 1:00 am on March 23, 2024, she breathed her last breath with her favorite Christian music playing in the background and her husband holding her hand. 

Something was different this time though. Despite all that I had endured over those 8 months and honestly the previous 3 years, I didn't lose my faith. Sure I was angry and couldn't understand why God would call her home when I knew our family and the world needed her. I questioned why he took her and not me. She had kids and a husband who needed her. She had a church and a youth group that needed her. But even though I questioned and my heart shattered in grief, I didn't walk away from God like I had in the past. This time, I ran straight to Him.

 So, what changed you may ask. What was it about this time that made me run to Him and not away from Him? The answer was that I had survived. 

I had survived being abused for 5 years. I had survived the loss of loved ones and grandparents. I had survived health scares and two stressful financial crises. I had survived the death of my mom, and I had survived the loss of my sister.

I didn't survive because of anything I did. I survived because, through all of it, my God held me and gave me the strength I needed to survive it. 

In my weakness, He was strong.

Then one day while I was grieving, and reminding myself that I had survived all of it, the Holy Spirit said, "You survived and are surviving all of it because of grace."  That day, Surviving By His Grace was born.

In our darkest and most painful moments, He is there holding us. When our lives are being ripped apart by tragedy, He is with us. When everything is shattering around us, He speaks life to us. 

When we are at our weakest, He is at his strongest. He gives us the power to survive every day through His grace.

No matter what you are going through or have gone through, God never left you. He was always there, holding you and giving you His power so you could survive it. 

He will always be there, and that I can promise you!

Becky